March 25

50 new cases of coronavirus in NZ
Global cases 372,757
Global death toll 16,231
A state of emergency declared in NZ
Lockdown level four begins at 11.59pm for a minimum of four weeks
​
Sleep is impossible. How I long to sink back into slumber and escape the mounting worries.
Instead, I climb the jagged waves and then crash. All night long it goes on. Ever since my old
life ended three years ago, my nights have been a storm at sea and now there is more to
contend with. What is happening? It feels as though the world is ending.

Nothing could have prepared me for this shocking upheaval to our world order. A state of
national emergency. Unbelievable. I think there has only been one in our history, in
Christchurch, my hometown, following the catastrophic earthquake in 2011. I thought then it
could never be as terrible again.

Tonight at 11.59pm a nationwide ‘lockdown’ begins. What is that even?

Family. My first thoughts are for my children. Their safety. Felix, my youngest has decided to
remain in Sydney for the lockdown. Though I’ve implored him to return, he is digging in. But
will the Australian government provide income relief for a NZ citizen, now that he can’t
work? I really want him here, not there. I want to gather my family around me and protect
them, but I have nothing to offer. Since losing my home, a year ago, I have been living a
nomadic and unstable existence. There is no room for extras in this small flat.

Somewhere I must find the strength within to accept that I am on my own now.

This morning, though, when I awoke the day outside was pale blue and eerily peaceful.
Opening the wooden blinds my eye caught a flash of orange, a small flag of colour, flowering
in the green hedge outside the window. Walking into the second room I saw across the
hedgerow and past a late flowering rose in the garden next door, the pale granite shape of
Rangitoto, steady like a sphinx, rising from a pale metallic sea.

Nature and its solace. It is all we have.

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